GProgress

Some things IE does to me just get me so upset!

Die is not too harsh of a word. Perhaps it’s even an understatement. Maybe I want Internet Explorer to be attacked by illiterate pigeon’s and dipped in a vat of boiling goat blood. Either way, I want IE out of here, for good. I’m not angry because it has sucky web standards, or it can’t display a friggin’ CSS border property right, I don’t want to kill it because it makes me design everything at a much slower rate, no. None of that is why I’m writing this. I’m peeved because IE ate my children. That’s right, IE took some A1 sauce, preheated the oven to 350°F, threw my kids in there, waited 20 minutes, applied a layer of sauce, waited another 20 minutes, then took a fork and dug right in.

I want to petition IE so it won’t take advantage of other little children who wish to use it. IE is a serious household hazard and needs to be stopped before it snaps open the ribcage of another kid like a rusty barn door. There is no reason it needs my kids, well…needed I should say. If you would like to sign the petition, please add a comment to this article saying something along the lines of, “Die Fuhrer, die!” which would be great. Not convinced to boycott Internet Explorer? Let me break down some reason why it is in fact, a threat:

• It eats children.
• It has A1 sauce.
• It has arms to actually carry these children around.
• It eats children.

That should be enough for you. If that han’t convinced you, please go away. We need as much help as we can get to find and bring this creature to the ground. This vile cannibal now owns my son’s soul for eternity - along with all of those who pledge eternal faith to Microsoft. You wouldn’t believe how scary it is to see a giant, happy, big blue E feasting on your kids remains.

But dang…they sure did smell good. IE can make a mean kid meatloaf.