GProgress

If only all news was like this.

UN Palace (GProgress) — Palace guards seize uncontrollable Senate Leader’s after long argument between bickering rivals.

The voting could have an adverse effect of how the UN decides which countries may go to war, but during the voting on Thursday, May 26. According to Bill Frist, Harry Reid accused him of being “a poopie head”.

Frist came back with the equally discouraging remark regarding Reid’s wife, and how he “got it on with her”.

The entire Senate was taken aback by this comment, and then proceeded to make some sort of snapping sound with their finger tips. One Senate member, Bolton, told GProgress, “I am outraged by the horrible name calling going on during the vote. We do not condone name calling in any fashion in this palace. Now is a time for us to make real life decisions that will affect the world for decades to come. This also leads me to—”. Bolton was then interrupted but a piece of chicken thrown at his head.

GProgress got a good laugh out of this and continued throwing chicken at him. We eventually got kicked out of the UN Palace, but got an insider to record the ongoings of the room.

The insider only got a chance to see Ried throw a lawn dart at Frist’s head, but completely miss due to his unathleticism and scrawny, girly arms. He was then also kicked out as the rest of the GProgress crew was. We take this time to remind you that Ried was approximately five feet away from Frist.

After several minutes of standing in the rain, letting the electronics get damaged by water, we finally witnessed Ried and Frist literally tossed out of the building. Ried would not comment on the situation.

GProgress tried to initiate an interview with Ried, but he only replied with a degrating punch (on his behalf) that broke his left thumb. Ambulances responded within 45 minutes of the call dispatched by Ried.

In the frenzy of chicken throwing and broken fingers, Frist got a chance to talk one on one with us. We asked him how it felt to be called a ‘poopie head’ by 45 year old Senate Leader, and well respected father, Ried. Frist merely replied with, “he started it”.

No more questions were asked. Frist’s response answered all other questions. Frist did say he would consider suing the U.N. for not warning Senate member’s that chicken may cause pain if used incorrectly. Frist may make a personal gain of $1,000,564.33 If the suit goes in his favor.

The voting shall commence shortly after Ried is fully healed.

“Do we have to actually wait or him to heal completely before voting? Did he ever use his hands more than just pretending to jot down ‘important’ notes during our debates? I think this is complete B.S., and I’m sure I speak on behalf of the entire Senate when I say that. I’ll vote - vote his butt out of power next chance I get.”