GProgress

The eulogy of Sally.

After Summer began, I brought our little buddy Tuck home along with his newly aquianted girlfriend, Sally. Sally and Tuck had met two weeks prior to the beginning of summer, so they already were on the way to building a solid relationship.

So I brought them to my house to continue their courtship. Days went by, and as every night crept on I wondered what was going through the mind of a snail. “Do they like each other? Do they have any issues? Should I be giving them more food? How can an organism consisting of 99% water survive on paper?” There was nothing to do other than think of them and ponder my own mortality.

I left for South Dakota a few weeks back with the harsh reminder to my father to maintain those two lovebirds. He did a splendid job and they lived happily. I took back over once I got back and everything was great - that is, until today.

I just came back from my girlfriend’s house and race upstairs to cool off in front of my fan. At about this time I usually peel Sally and Tuck off the bottle walls and let them dive back into the water. As I leaned over to see how they were doing, that’s when I saw it. A snail was floating on the top of the water. I was frightened - could this of been Tuck’s last day on Earth before he ascended to the glorious, slime covered throne of righteousness?

I examined their shells when we first joined them in the bottle. I noticed Tuck had a much darker shell, while Sally’s was light with only streaks of darn brown. As I looked closer at the shell, I realized it was not the snail Lord Tuck, but his partner - Sally. She was dead.

“Oh my gosh,” I thought, “she’s dead.”

So I proceeded to take care of a dead snail body as best as I could; I grabbed her out of the bottle and hastily tossed her down into the toilet. The water they lived in stank of death, and poop. Lots of snail poop. She was completely white and frothy. My hands could not be cleaned of this incident. I said my good byes, washed my hands, and allowed Tuck one last good bye before I pushed the handle of the porcelain throne to forever lose our beloved Sally. He was speechless. I don’t blame him though, he just lost his only friend, his companion. So I flushed the toilet and brought Tuck back to his home and began telling this story of Sally’s death.

Where did Sally come from? And why am I giving an asexual creature a gender? Who cares? She was found in the garbage can of my school, awaiting her own death when she was rescued and brought to Tuck as some sort of offering.

Good bye Sally, you shall be forever missed.